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Things to do when you're stuck in traffic...

So far there have been people stuck in this traffic jam!

  1. Honk your horn (old favourite)
  2. Sing to the song on the radio
  3. Sing to the song on the radio of the car beside you
  4. Make up your own song to sing
  5. Put on a Barry Manilow tape/CD/8-track (it is suggested that you try everything else on this list before you try this one!)
  6. Play the drums on the steering wheel along with the song
  7. Lay the seat back down until it is horizontal and do sit-ups
  8. Use your windscreen washer until it runs out of water
  9. Get out of your car and jog in circles around it, occasionally pausing and leaning on the surrounding cars to stretch your calf muscles
  10. Get out of your car, shout "Taxi!" and then stand waiting for one.
  11. Drive backwards and forwards in the space you have until your car runs out of petrol
  12. Jump out of your car and shout "Everbody slow down! You're freaking me out!" (It's best to look really upset for this one)
  13. Get out of your car, walk to the car in front of you and ask the driver if you can join them. Regardless of their response, get in the car and start talking about the most annoying subject you can think of until they kick you out. Repeat this proces with every car in front of yours. When you reach the car at the front of the line, kick the driver out and drive off
  14. Ask the driver of each car if they want their windscreen washed for $5. If they do, reach in and turn on their windscreen wipers
  15. Start playing the theme from Mission Impossible and run between the cars, occasionally diving to the ground and rolling underneath them. When the song ends, casually walk back to your car and get in, acting as though it wasn't you
  16. Sit on your head
  17. If you have electric windows, wind the window up and down continuously, all the time watching it as if it's possessed
  18. If you have a CB radio, select an open channel and start speaking in martian
  19. Climb onto the roof of your car and start reading the newspaper to the cars behind you. If you don't have a newspaper, use your car's manual
  20. Pretend you're Al Unser Jr racing at Indianapolis (include sound effects)
  21. Fart, then blame it on the guy in front of you
  22. Pretend you're doing the traffic report from a helicopter
  23. Pretend you are a helicopter
  24. Write a suicide note, randomly pick a car, give the note to the driver and then lie in front of their car
  25. Snore
  26. Pretend you're the commentator from your favourite sporting event from history
  27. Sit calmly in your car and then act as if the car's been rear-ended (throw yourself about in the car) and then abuse the guy behind you and complain about the damage
  28. Practice your opera singing
  29. Walk amongst the cars trying to make words starting with the letters on the number plates
  30. If you have a mobile phone/car phone, find a vehicle with a phone number on it and dial that number
  31. Walk through the cars and laugh at anyone driving cars such as Volvos, Goggomobiles, etc
  32. Rewire your car stereo system
  33. Rewire the neighbouring car's stereo system
  34. Turn on the airconditioning to cool down the radiator (connect a pipe from the vent and make it blow on the radiator)
  35. Get out of your car and run screaming from the giant alien spaceships that just began blowing up the nearby buidings
  36. Turn off your air conditioning (if you have it!) and find another car that has it and share with the driver your theory of relativity
  37. If you have a sunroof, shout "up periscope!" and stick your head through the sunroof, look around, shout "down periscope!" and sit back down
  38. Drink plenty of fluids and then run through the cars asking each driver "can I use your toilet?"
  39. Get out of your car, find a nearby phone booth, change into your superman costume and fly off into the sky
  40. Ask each driver if they would like some bacon & eggs while they wait. If they say "yes", proceed to cook it on their engine block
  41. Pick out a car, ask the driver if you can measure their steering wheel. Before they answer, put your steering wheel lock in their steering wheel, lock it and say "Hey, it's the same size as mine" and walk off
  42. Try swapping adjacent cars' hubcaps over
  43. Let the air out of the tyres of the car next to yours, breathing it in as it comes out. Then try and blow it back up again
  44. Get in the car next to yours, fart, and get out
  45. Headbutt the steering wheel, making sure the horn honks each time
  46. Using any object that even closely resembles a microphone, start interviewing the other drivers about an imaginary crime
  47. Pretend you're filming the new Lethal Weapon movie (it helps to have your own Uzi)
  48. Pretend you're filming the Basic Instinct sequel (eg run naked through the cars carrying an ice pick)
  49. Rotate your tyres so they get even wear
  50. Flick peas in to your neighbour's car by rolling them from the sunroof down the windscreen on to your windscreen wipers. Use both wipers for multifire
  51. Flick your headlights on & off indicating you wish to overtake the car in front
  52. Get everyone to floor the accelerator while in neutral and give a prize to the person whose engine lasts longest
  53. Pretend you're driving a monster truck and attempt to drive over all the cars in front of you.
  54. Hitch a ride with a passing snail
  55. See how many other cars your keys will unlock/start
  56. Swap number plates with the car in front
  57. If there is a limo nearby, do a blowfish on one of the windows
  58. If there is a limo nearby, ask them if you can watch TV with them. If they decline, refer to the previous item and then bend their TV antenna
  59. Find a car with an identification ball on the aerial (the one's the owners use to find their car) and take it off and put it on an identical car
  60. Pick a fight with another driver, when he gets out of his car, lock the door, close it and run
  61. Approach the driver of a sedan, ask them to open their boot. When they do, mumble something about not paying for the drive-ins and jump in their boot and close it
  62. Find some people having a domestic argument, watch them until they are finished, applaud, tell them how enjoyable watching them was and then go back to your car and try to re-enact it
  63. Stand next to the engine and use one of the spark plugs to try and ignite a fart

Author : A Clark