One day I went to City Hall to get a dog license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care how she looked. Then I said "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was two years old." He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said "But Sex played a big part of my life and my whole lifestyle revolved around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the homeymoon. When I checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and I and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel was for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said "Show off." I told him it was a contest and he told me I should have sold tickets.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married." and the Judge said "Me too!"
Well, now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more darn trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day, when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she said, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Hell, Sex died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely." The doctor said "Look mister, you and I both know that Sex isn't man's best friend - so get yourself a dog!!!"
Author : Unknown